Keeping the dream alive.

Donnerstag, Mai 15, 2008


gone here.

it's time to let go.

Dienstag, Mai 13, 2008

I'm not asking you..

to agree with me...just asking for you to understand where i'm coming from.
not to agree...but just to accept..
is it THAT hard?

I can't believe I totally forgot about dinner and drinks with the chinese high boy tonight!
but then again..with what happened over the past week...
I'm quite sure he'll forgive me..

Man has his will, but God has His Way.

Montag, Mai 12, 2008

Yesterday I gave my mum the worst scare of her entire motherhood!
ah least it's unforgettable! :)
and you know what?
besides the fact that I ought to have eaten before donation..
I'll not change my decision of donating one bit...if I had the chance to relive yesterday.

Because...yesterday..You showed me that Your grace was sufficient for me.
And that You're always there.
Remember how I was praying for You to be with me?
Truth is...You were already there even before I started praying for Your presence.
The bruises that I had? Gone.

You make me complete, Lord.

Only You.

Sonntag, Mai 11, 2008

Today's a unforgettable day...

because this Mothers' Day..
I didn't buy a thing for my mum per se...
I did something for her.

[pretty long entry because of my chiong hey-ness]
main points : i donated blood (second time in my life), and i fainted (for the very first time).

I decided to donate blood as there was some blood donation drive over at the station.
kinda told a couple of lies before the thing...
i didn't had any brekky or lunch yet..
figured it wouldn't matter much..i mean..i was totally fine the last time i did this...which was like...2006 with esther and jasmine in nus.
i forgot about the dinner i skipped last night..wasn't hungry la.
was quite freaked out when i was given the questionaire to fill up..
almost bolted.
this is why i needed a kaki to go donate blood with me...but let's not go into that.
decided to do it alone.
don't need nobody.

you know it's final when they give you this number after you complete the form..
and they register you the medical checks..blood test..and
you're on the hot seat.

note: the most painful part was actually the initial blood test...where they use this needle thingy to prick your finger to draw blood. it's bruised now. :(

and at the hot seat...there i was praying and praying... with me...and worship songs were running through my head...
and praying and praying that it won't hurt..
and the nurse took quite a while to attend to me...
finally...she prep-ped for it...alcohol swabs and all..and then...nothing.
this guy next to me...turned pale..and she had to attend to him..

finally it was my turn..she hit me with something..i thought the huge needle went in...but..nah..
just a hit of L.A to numb the arm..
and seriously...that stuff's good..can't feel anything when the needle entered.
but was too caught up praying that it won't hurt until i forgot to look at the size of the needle..'s my 2nd time doing it..and i still haven't caught a peek at the supposedly huge needle.

anyways..after the needle went in...
i cam-whored for a while with the phone...just took pics of my blood bag, the tubes and stuff...cuz it was right smack in the center of NEL..where people entering or leaving could see me..
so...i believe i took photos the entire time... O_o
i felt right as rain after that...could walk without wobbling...etc.

went to awfully chocolate to collect the cake. and headed to the bus stop...
and everything was FINE.
until i boarded the bus...
i went clammy...had to sit i sat at the elderly people seats.
broke out in cold sweat....there was this buzzing in my ears...eyes couldn't focused..
so...i did what any logical and sane person would do...i closed my eyes...and prayed and tried to will it away...and guess what...
i missed my stop...

ended up at pasir panjang..
stayed at the bus stop for what felt like eternity..
more like...zoning out there...was feeling really awful..
and the ache in the tumtum didn't help matters..
still can't focus very was still in the ears...
and i couldn't even stand long enough to flag a cab..
so i just sat there and closed my eyes...

this aunty was like...are you ok? there's the petrol station across the road..i go and get you a drink? and i was like...i'm ok...thank you...
my darling, dearest, favourite brother called...and i couldn't hear much due to the buzzing..
so i was like...
going to faint..come fetch the bus stop across shell at pasir panjang hawker center..
and then after passing on her duties to another 2 ladies...the aunty went on her way...

the 2 ladies were equally nice...asking me if i wanted a drink..that i looked totally pale...and stuff..
the car finally came...i went in...and just crashed... was really bad..
come again another day..

parents were nagging about not having breakfast and stuff...
all the way home...which was thankfully quite a short journey.
wobbled my way into the lift with my mum as support...and legs gave way...and i fainted...
for a couple of seconds..
but..i could hear music...prolly the angels singing..
then people panicking..
finally got into the house and onto the sofa...
and just rested for a couple of hours...till 4pm really...
'tis was a memorable experience
don't want to ever do it again.

and according to my currently tops the list of unforgettable mothers' day ever...
and i reckon it's gonna be a pretty hard record to topple.
p.s. just had the cake and it was absolutely amazing...and my mum refused me seconds..because she thinks i shouldn't one moment not eat anything..and one moment eat so much.
binge eating.
lessons learnt:
a week of late nights,
office stresses,
other stresses,
plus skipping 3 consecutive meals
is prolly detrimental to one's health especially if a significant amount of blood is going to be taken out of the body..
don't do this at home.
back to bed, woozy head.

Samstag, Mai 10, 2008

He knows every star in the sky, every single tear that you cry.

The Whole World...

is trying to make me feel as if it's my bloody fault...
for not voicing out before and all.
i do not appreciate guilt being forced down my throat.

im gonna bugger off now.

I saw...

Kun's msn msg just now..
...Stop taking me for granted..

and man does that strike a chord.

But most of everyday;Is full of tired excuses;But it's too hard to say.

Freitag, Mai 09, 2008

To put trust, faith and hope..

in ultimately setting yourself up for disappointment.
People do let you down. and seriously. it sucks.
all there is now would be to fall back and regroup..and lick your wounds.

Only You I can trust, have faith and hope in, because You're the same yesterday, today, and forevermore.


I'm made to feel as if i'm very irritating and irritant of some sorts..
and that feels damm sad.

Sonntag, Mai 04, 2008

I Lay Every Burden Down, at the Foot of the Cross.

Had a super duper filling lunch at Hotel Park Royal yesterday..
Afterwhich, popped by to the Rodrigos with Jun and Belly to meet the piano teacher!
'twas nice.
then..headed down to the flyer for popeye's.
errr...well...fanta grape from popeye's for my case...
the girls ate while i watched..
then we gossiped shared stuff...
and on the way to church today...
suddenly this thought struck me..
God has a time for everything.
it's like...i don't think i've ever been plagued by lan tao huas - Rotten Peach Blossom
ah wells...and looking back retrospectively on my numerous crushes etc.
the potential lan tao huas there are well...quite O_o
it's as if there's someone looking out for me...doing a filter of some sort..
even tho i was only looking at the small picture...He was looking at the big picture...
and hence i know that His plans are wonderful and awesome..
to think i only realised that today.
ah wells...
a time for everything :)

Audience of One.