Keeping the dream alive.

The day in short.

Mum woke me up at 7am.
I ended waking up at 7.30am.
Test starts at 8am.
I ran.

Was a tad bit early.
Killer paper.
Equations a mess AGAIN.
as usual.

Toxicology lect was interesting.
Tho. the lecturer went too fast.

Paid deposit for new laptop.
Went to Arts canteen for lunch.
Rain.
Took bus back.

Ah pek's class ended early.
3pm instead of 4pm.

Went home. changed. took bus to bei's place.
Bum around.
Bullied a couple of rabbits.

Went to bugis.
Got psycho-ed into thinking that tamagotchi is nice.
O__o
Played with that for a bit.
Dinner with the crez girls at V8.
lousy service.

Went over to My Secret Garden for cake, drinks, and photos.
So scary.
One camera had no batt..
We had a spare.
plus many camera phones.

I can't take photos today.
don't look good.
blarh.

Am tired.
Mouth cramping.
I need to make my sole dimple appear.
It was shy today.

Nights world.

I'm promised Koko Black's Chocolates all the way from Melb!
-happy girl-
Feel so xing fu
wahaha
tho i really have to wait for a couple of months before getting to eat them..
lalala...
so happy!!!

-beams-

ChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolates
ChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolates
ChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolates
ChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolatesChocolates

ok...need to go study..
test on freitag..
closed book.
doom.

yay!!
KOKO BLACK!!!

I went to do this.

Take My Quiz - on - QuizYourFriends.com!

edit// HOW COME EVERYONE THINKS THAT I HAVE NO BALL SENSE?

-bleargh-

Lead us out of darkness and into your marvelous light

When we wander into valleys far from home
Where shadows hover over our souls
Find us in your mercy
Savior of the world

You are the light of the world
(Jesus is the light)
You are the way, the truth and the life
(you are the life)
You are the light of the world
(Jesus is the light)

Lead us out of darkness
And into your marvelous light
Sanctify our spirits
Purify our minds
As we look to you, eyes open wide
Give us understanding
Set our hearts on fire
Give us understanding
Set our hearts on fire
Fill us with desire
You are the light of the world...

Ok....i'm gonna go back to studying. i am so going to pass friday's test. blargh.
-determined-

I need to grow up.
Snap out of it.
Stop being self-delusional.
See things from both sides now.

A little girl trying to be a big girl.

Learnt a couple of thai words today!
so happy!
but i can't remember the spelling for most of them..except one..
Zai!
it means Heart.
So...when i say 'I zai you' it really means 'I heart you'
:)
so..
I ZAI YOU and YOU and YOU!

anyway...
finally!
there's a good and worth-thinking-about reason about my weird life..
erm..the part where only 8 people from FMC know about..

yeah.
i guess...i was thinking more of how the person would be good for me and stuff..
but i never really thought about it the other way..
i'll prolly drive the person nuts lar..
nyeh..
no good.
it's not a one way thing..
i guess...it's more about the thing of us being opposites..
but like..
can tahan ernot?
is a totally different issue by itself..
ah.

Wo bu zhi dao.

In other news...we sang a chinese song at yf today.
and i do know what i'm singing..in fact...i could read the words!
mannn..

-done with the reports and stuff..left with test! sighh.

I've got 30% of my last lab report left.
After doing the first 70% this morning..
i decided on go on strike and not touch it until 430..
but i was napping at 430..
ah wells..
now that i've finished practicing my piano..
and..
finishing my first run through of all my 8 lecture notes..
took me 2-3days i reckon..
because it's so heavy..i can't do it continuously..
rights.
so..
i need to get this horrible lab report done and printed out by tonight..so that i don't have to worry about it tomorrow.

and...

ANYBODY WANNA GO MELB OR/AND SYD THIS MAY-JULY?
PRETTY PLEASE?
AND MELBPEEPS ARE GOING TO BE IN SYD IN JUL FOR HILLSONG CONF.
SO WE CAN GO SYD THEN RETURN BACK TO MELB WITH THEM OR SOMETHING!
PRETTYPRETTYPRETTYPRETTY RAWR!

There's something about listening to classical music at night.
Especially classical piano pieces.
I went to download the pieces that i'm supposed to play for my diploma exam.
Managed to get 1/3 of Haydn's Sonata in E
and Brahms Intermezzo in A major.
Still searching for Britten tho..
-shrugs-

And i think the pieces are very nice!
plus the pianist's technique and stuff..
really really good.

I really do have to start practicing every night to get that speed and expression and everything..

I'm done with my environment report!
ladeeda.
Maybe not totally completed it yet..but it's 95% completed.
With Tables!
:)
I've got to cut it down to at least 1.7-1.8k from 2.1k
-bleargh-
but everything looks essential to me..
:(
and then..
i need a front page and a reference page and tidy up my appendix
and i'm DONE.

and the deadline's extended to next friday!
mannnn..
whyyyy

i really should have done my 2 lab reports first.
At least they're CONFIRM dued on monday.
-sighh-
off to do lab report now.

Teach me to dance to the beat of Your heart.
Teach me to move in the power of Your Spirit.
Teach me to love with Your heart of compassion.
Teach me to dance to the beat of Your heart.

Elliot Yamin is Mah Man!!
i mean...Jesus is my all time Man!
but like...
Elliot Yamin is MAH AMI MAN!
if i had to choose which guy to get into the finals!
mannnn..
it's either Chris or Elliot..
but for the ladies..
MANDISA!!!
because..Paris is too young lar..
but then...
she's good too..

so..
introducing Mah Men!
1) Elliot Yamin (he's good and sincere)
2) Chris (he's cool and sincere)
3) Bucky (he's cute and sincere)
4) Ace (he's hot!)
5) Taylor (he's funny)

Mah Ladies!
1) Mandisa (Mandiva..)
2) Paris (powerhouse)

There is a lady all in white

I did like half of my envt report and i headed back to school at around 1..
for my viva..
waited until 430 before she came back from lunch...
and instead of viva-ing 1 report...
i did 3 reports.
2 of which i did not prepare for..
oh dear..
but i think she was in a pretty good mood..
didn't exactly get killed..
i mean...i got whacked real good..
but not killed...
so...
that's good..
plus the fact that i won't have to see her until my next report is up..
which is in a month's time!
go baby!

Why do fools fall in love.

After wasting so much time in school bumming around..
I really need to continue studying..
if only AMI stops repeating...
sheese...

And if a shooting star goes by,
I'll use that star to write 'I Love You'
A thousand times across the sky

I so seriously should be doing my essay..but...
i've got a problem.
i've got a word limit of 1.5k..
and i'm at approx 2k now..
and i haven't even covered all my main points!
like..
MAN.
i only got the intro to energy and natural gas and natural gas in singapore!
i haven't even got to Petroleum and Petrol in sg and alternative sources of energy and conclusion!
oh dear dear dear me.

ah wells..
-shrugs-

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather,
And stars may collide
But I love you
Until the end of time

Argh.
My peak season has reached AGAIN.

just when i cleared the last one like 2 weeks back..

i've got 2 lab reports, 1 project report and 1 test dued next week!
and i've not started yet!!!
oh dear.
goodness gracious me.

so..
i hobbled to the neighbourhood NTUC and bought FOOD.
to see me through the next 2 weeks.
:)
it's hibernation period baby!!
i'll be hibernating at home tomorrow and thursday!
and i'll only step out of the house for piano..

i spent 25bucks..
ice cream
chocolates
cookies
corn kernels
campbells
luncheon meat.

all random food.
yay me.
FATT FATT!!

I wanted to tell you something..
and i went to msn..
and searched for my 'Crescent' group.
and then you weren't online.
and now i'm thinking..
how come you're under 'Crescent'?
you're a GUY leh...
oh dear...
i seem to have more guys than girls in the 'Crescent' group..
something's wrong..

but i can't put you in nus whad...
cuz nus is too far down the list..
kinda inaccessible..

O____o

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate
the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat
boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it
even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it
when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly
I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even
at all.

-101 things I hate about you.

Don't you dare lose your child-like wonder.

this is sooo super duper cute as well as scary.
A harsh reminder to the fact that kids in our present society are growing up too fast.
They're trying to bypass the childhood zone.
and if we're not careful about it...
they may grow up and go..
"What's childhood?"

I don't want to grow up I'm a toy 'r us kid.

My blog was down yesterday..
so...after moaning and groaning about it for a while..
i decided to watch the sky falls down ala Little Chicken.
but however...
due to some technical malfunction...
i was unable to complete my viewing of that interesting cartoon movie thingamajig..

i had to switch shows.
chose Constantine instead.
and on the entertainment front..
it was well...entertaining..
and..interesting...
and i seriously don't believe the occult and stuff..
until..
there was a role for Gabriel..
who's like an angel..
yeah..

and the thing that struck me the most was this line he said..

Gabriel: [Gabriel sits on top of John Constantine, explaining her rebellion] You're handed this precious gift, right? Each one of you granted redemption from the Creator - murderers, rapists, molesters - all of you just have to repent, and God takes you into His busom. In all the worlds and all the universe, no other creature can make such a boast, save man. It's not fair. [Gabriel leans closer to Constantine's face]
Gabriel: If sweet, sweet God loves you so, then I will make you worthy of His love. But it's only in the face of horror that you truly find your noble self, and you can be so noble. So... I will bring you pain, I will bring you horror. [Gabriel lifts up Constantine from his collar]
Gabriel: So that you may rise above it. So that those of you who will survive this reign of hell on earth will be worthy of God's love.
John Constantine: Gabriel, you're insane!
Gabriel: [Gabriel smiles] The road to salvation begins tonight. Right now. [Gabriel blows, sending Constantine crashing to the door]

And that is bullshiet because..
I don't have to be worthy of His love..
His love was given to me freely...when i was so unworthy.
and it's just very wrong..
there's NOTHING i can absolutely do to make Him love me MORE.
that's just it!
He Loves.
He loves me not because of what i can be..
but of who i am.
the unlovable, irritating, horrible person i am..
and..
that's just it..
I'll never ever understand this love He has..
and..

Ilu.

I can't view my blog..
like...
#$%&&^%@
huh???
yeah
the test today's fine.
it's a crossword puzzle.
and i'm doing the intelligence thingy.
i'm at 26/33
which makes me a genius..
but i really want to crack all.
:(
right.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Refrain

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Refrain

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
Refrain

The Lord's been real good to me...
That I can't deny.
I'm blessed with a brillant family, wonderful friends and not-so-wonderful friends.
I'm blessed with common sense that allows me to discern from the good friends and the bad friends..
I'm blessed to be God's kid.

Was talking to my darling wasserfrau whom i haven't seen in a million years..
and she's really one of the closer mates i made in uni..
and the weirdest thing is that...i only took a german module with her...
heh..
seriously..
I think my german mates are cool...esp the ones I've grown close to...
the ones I can tell almost everything to..
like shifu and wasserfrau..
weiyao ar...he's NEVER online..so i can't tell him anything..but he's a good mate
:)))

I'm so blessed to have them in my life..
I'm blessed to not experience poverty.
I'm blessed to have parents who care about my future.
I'm blessed to have parents who love me that's why they nag..
I'm blessed to have friends who love me.

I'm blessed to have taken flights on airplanes before..many times before.
I'm blessed to have access to a car and to have my license.
I'm blessed to have a room to myself.
I'm blessed to be able to learn the piano.
I'm blessed to be in NUS.

I'm blessed to be able to see the beauty of life.
I'm blessed to be able to hear the voices and laughter of children.
I'm blessed to be able to smell the flowers along the road.
I'm blessed to be able to feel the little palm in my hand when i play with the little tums.
I'm blessed to be able to think for myself and ask others for their opinions.

I'm blessed to have people looking out for me.
I'm blessed to be able to look out for people.
I'm blessed to be able to ask and clarify my doubts with people whom i know care.
I'm blessed to be able to use my photos to touch people..to use my music to reach out to others.
I'm blessed to have You in my life.

I'm blessed.
Dear God.
Thank You.
For reminding me that I truly am blessed.

Oh dear.
i'm late.
Ahhh.
Mel's gonna kill me...i think..
ah wells...
:)

I need to shower and grab my bag and head to school.
pretty simple.
:)
it's the initiation step that's hard lar..
that's the rate determining step.

nyeh..
i made a list of qualities i would want in my guy.
that was in jan..
and..
heh..
it's so funny.
but i added in a new line and that made it perfect.
"I want him to be who God wants for me"

pwoah.
power lar.
my entire list is completed.
basically..just by that one line.
i could erase all previous lines..
and my list would still be complete..
:)

Out of 13 sample wedding vows i read at Bible.org
mannn...
there are 6 vows saying explicitly...'obey you always' or 'submit to you' etc..
and that's for the females..
like..
so...
the females supposed to submit to the males..

I ______, take you, ______, to be my husband. With the greatest joy I come into my new life with you. Today I am reminded of James l:17 which says "Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." Besides the gift of salvation, you are the most precious gift God has given me. I know that along with the new joys God has given me, I face new responsibilities that I cannot fulfill in my own strength. But by God's grace and power working within me, I desire to be trustworthy as your wife, to serve and love you in all circumstances, to obey you, to allow God to use you to build His qualities in me, as long as God give us life on this earth. I praise God continually for you, ______, and for your love and friendship.

See...
Have to obey and submit ok..
it's not a game!
marriage is HUGE.
a HUGE step.
like...
it's not something that you can..

oh..i'm sorry...wrong answer...please try again later..

scary eh..

so it will up my market value

my list of criteria doesn't seem stringent enough..
oh dear...
how how??
hmmm

5 Random Facts About Me:

1. I can eat an entire pint of B&J in one sitting

2. I grew tadpoles into baby frogs once..and they all hopped down the balcony.. stupid creatins..but the whole progress was mighty interesting..

3. when I was young I knew how to pedal a tricycle..now I can drive a car..i guess I never did downgrade myself to 2 wheel-drive before

4. I love monkeys. I’ve got 2 monkeys that I absolutely have to have when I sleep. One’s from when I was a baby..the other’s from mah sister..and I’ve monkey stuff in storage..mummy refuses to let them out..

5. I am not what I seem.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, what is the first thing you look at?
If there are any pimples…btw..i’ve got 2 horrible huge pimples now..darn..my skin’s usually pimple-free… it’s the stress!!!

How much cash do you have on you today?
I had 40cents..then I went to a special machine..and I’ve got 30bucks..then I spent some..so I’ve got around 20 now?

what rhymes with 'test'?
fast

Favourite plant?
errrrrrr…..errrrrrrrr…..i really don’t know..cuz my mummy refuses to let me touch her plants…apparently I’m a plant destroyer…so..i think it’s the cactus! Cuz it’s super hardy.

Who is the fourth person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Mummy?

What is the main ringtone on your cell phone?
Jesus loves me this I know…

What shirt are you wearing?
PJC orientation 2003 T-shirt..which has a hole..that I don’t know..until a classmate saw it in school..and erm…she managed to see other stuff too..sigh..

Do you label yourself?
huh? With the gun thingy they use in the supermarkets?

Brand of the shoes you are currently wearing.
shoes…hmmmm…puma I guess…the rest are more slippers, flipflops and sandals…not really shoes…

Bright or dark room?
dark room..and then I can always turn the lights on if I want light.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
errr…talking with bestie about ‘Love Actually’ before I realized that I’ve got 8am lectures today and I had to sleep.

What was the last text message you received on your cell phone?
Nope..you cfm with me again lor.. (regarding Thursday’s studying session at essential)

Do you ever click on 'Pop Ups' or banners?
Nope.

What's a saying that you say a lot?
hahaha…right….I’m so dead…I surrender all.

Who told you they love you last?
Crystal?

Last furry thing you touched?
MY MONKEY!

How many drugs have you done in the past three days?
None. Errr…nothing actually…wasn’t even sick these past 3 days.. Thank God.

How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
errrrr…I’ve got a roll of expired slides…but I haven’t used it yet… heh

Favourite age you have been so far?
hmm…I learn different things every year..so..it’s hard to say which was the best..

Your worst enemy?
It’s prolly me.

What is your current desktop picture?
'Change Me’ picture from Gettyimages, against a black background.

What was the last thing you said to someone?
I ate dinner already..i’m not hungry.

If you have to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?
A million bucks..with every regret..i learn something new..and that in turn contributes to who I am today…so not gonna change anything…except maybe my marks for the last test…that was quite horrible.

Do you like someone?
Uh huh….I LOVE SOMEONE! Ladeeda. I LOVE HIM sooo sooo sooo much!

The last song you listened to?
I can only imagine..by Mercyme.

People I hope to see do this quiz?
whoever’s whose half as bored as me?

AHHHHH.
rights.
about the blackout..
i'm not mightly proud of that..
in fact i'm superduper ashamed that i let things go that far..
man..
was really testing the limits..
and i promise not to do that again.
i promise.

and i saw ah kong today!
after so long
:(
all our fault.
no time.
hai.
saw him for less than 5mins.
lousy him.

anyway..
i told him about that..
and..
kenna lar..
kenna scolding..
:(
and he's like..

you ar...never take care of yourself...even i don't do that..

-bleargh-
lousy ah kong..
don't even get me started on the rubbish you do la!
like with the vodka and stuff..
-blah-
destructive r/s is our r/s
haha
nyeh..not really true..
ah wells..
:)
i still love you ah kong!

and i recieved a mightly weird sms today from a classmate..
asking if i've ever smoked shisa..
or something lar..
and that we should go one day to try...

i dunno how to reply without sounding too rude..
..
i hate smoking.
i've never tried...and i never will.
hate the smell..hate everything about it.
i hate the tobacco industry.
so..
i don't care shi sa or shi wad..
as long as it's smoking..
i detest.

so since typing that sounds rude..
i just didn't reply..
which is rude too..but better than replying that lar..
:)

just googled.
shisa is this hookah thingy..
which is basically a pipe thingy..
and you smoke lar..
and it's tobacco..
and it's flavoured..
like apple..orange...or wadever stupid flavours.
nyeh.
i rather eat an apple for the flavour.
-bleargh-
oh yar..it works by water filtration..
but still?
it's smoking
and I CONDEMM.

:)

rights..so that's all for my ranting..

oh yeah..i was supposed to have another viva today..
but i forgot my logbook which was quite pretty..
and the lecturer came in only at 430..
when i stayed from 1-4 for her to test me lar..
so lousy right?
so..
i left for BS with twin..
and..
i refused to go back to the lab for viva.
-bleargh-
she can either test me on wed or on next monday..
i should be fine with either..
-blargh-

oh..apparently..
there was a minor explosion in the labs today.
darn..
i wasn't there to see it...
why did i have to go and play with liquid nitrogen???
lousy.
so exciting stuff and i wasn't there..

This is why you shouldn't put sodium metal directly into a beaker of water..

man...that was classic.

Man..
last night was the worst night i've ever ever ever had..
besides those when i was really really sick..

i was this close to blacking out.
and it was only 9+pm?
i didn't even get my mechanisms done..
had to turn the laptop off..
didn't even know what darling crys wanted to ask me..

i'm so sorry for leaving halfway..

Blackouts suck.
I think that's like a reminder from your body that..

Low battery..Please plug your laptop into an external power outlet or you might lose your existing documents

Right..so it's about that..
first i felt dammm woozy..
and there was some buzzing in my ears..
and then...i couldn't control my lousy legs and hands properly..
as in...i could..but not as well...
and i felt like fainting..
so..
i went into emergency mode...
amazing how little my energy is..and i could still think logically..
mannn...
i slammed the laptop shut.
Turn off the lights..
and slammed into bed..

But my mind wasn't resting

After 10mins of "resting"
i got up..
did a proper shutdown of my laptop.
Brush my teeth and all that..
and then went to bed.

and then i prayed.
Heal me.

This crazy Crazy CRAZY weekend is FINALLY over!
and am i glad to see the last of it.
with all the late night muggings and stuff..
man!
my lab reports are done up..printed..
and all that's left is to write all the mechanisms in it..
with a pen..
by Hand.
how ol' school..
:)

anyway...this week taught me alot..
this week has been enlightening...even tho it was MAD I TELL YOU.
but it's been good..
God's been Great.
and..

i can see clearly now the rain is gone..
i can see all obstacles in my way..

all the rubbish stuff about emotions and all..
i've sorted them out.
and...
i'm back!
last week was just pure weird lar..
so..
until anymore weird stuff happened...i'm gonna just try to forget about last week.
geddit cal?
so...No more..
nuh huh..
i don't care if the sofa is nice..
Nuh huh.

and it feels good to see my mountain of work get cleared up..
even tho i'm so tired.
it's nice.

I've been at this horrible discussion set of questions set of discussion questions ever since 9.15! and it's 11.08!
Go figure.

There are 9 questions in all..
and they're basically asking you to describe the mechanism of such and such a reaction.
but i'm not even attempting to draw the mechanism using the computer!
i'm gonna do it the ol' skool way..
by hand..with a pen.

so now.
all i have to do..is to type sentences here and there..and leave blanks to add in my mechanisms later.
and furthermore..
i managed to get my grubby paws on reference lab reports..
albeit somewhat murky..
nyeh..
it's all about paraphrasing...and summarizing...and expanding on certain points..
:)
we've got a common pool of lab reports.
such is our class spirit.
:)

nyeh..
one main reason why i'm not being very efficient right now..
is lack of food..and sleep..
and i'm camping out at someone's blog.
i find it interesting to find a random interesting link from a friend..in this case..liwei..
and read entries..
and it really depends on whether the random person you 'stalk'
is interesting..
so far...i'm quite entertained.
:)
so..i'm still camping..prolly till the 1st entry..
so...that would see me finishing my lab report only at 1pm..
which is fine..
i'm still within my deadline..
i think..

I'm pushing the limits man....
first the hunger strike..
now..
the sleep debt..
AGAIN.

to think i'd just paid the last one by sleeping 11hours straight on monday..
sigh..
this time round...
it's a pile up of late nights since tuesday till hopefully..today..
for the record..
i slept only at 4am because i was..
1) doing my lab report
2) talking to calyn
3) talking to daphne
4) trying to get bestie to buy a tiff & co. ring for me when he's rich..(trying mar..)

so in all..i slept for like...wad...4.5hrs?
it's crazy i tell you.
mannnn...i'm soooo tired...
i want my parents homeeeeee
O___O

and it felt weird staying home alone last night..
little girl...
big house..
dark surroundings..
scaryyyy.

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
-The Blower's Daughter

Before i start on the main topic..
i haven't ate anything today!
Nothing for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
The absence of breakfast and lunch was dued to an outbreak of nerves.
Dinner was due to pure laziness.

and i'm hungry now.
:(
Cal is prolly not meeting me for supper lar..
that cow.
haven't even come back from CURRY FISH HEAD dinner.
-drools-
anyway...

i digress.
I WANT TO SAY THAT I'M VERY PROUD OF MAH BRO!
ELROI!!
WOOOhoooo!!
you rock!

I'm soooo proud of you man!
You've grown so much!
both spiritually and physically..
-grumbles-
2 years ago...i was taller than you!
now..
haiii...
-bleargh-

nyeh..
as i've said...
today's talk is prolly just an introductory session..
it's just to start the whole thinking process..
very much like the initiator in a free radical polymerization process..
but i digress again..
what you gained from this is really up to you..
on you taking the initiative to find out more..
if not..
it could just be one of the many talks that you've attended..
where information gets in..and leaves almost immediately..

:)

ok..
hungry now!

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

"Life, especially in the realm of relationships, is really a series of random occurances and timing. One minute can change everything."
Thank YOU for being there.

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

but...
i don't like pink!

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

uhhhh...i dunno which one is me...more like pink..but i don't want!!!
:(

Your Power Color Is Indigo

At Your Highest: You are on a fast track to success - and others believe in you. At Your Lowest: You require a lot of attention and praise. In Love: You see people as how you want them to be, not as how they are. How You're Attractive: You're dramatic flair makes others see you as mysterious and romantic. Your Eternal Question: "Does This Work Into My Future Plans?"

I'm soooo happy!
relieved!
elated!
overjoyed!

-beams-

the paper is over!!!!!!!
and it wasn't too bad...
surprisingly..
not too hard either..
the first few questions were a lil' tricky lar..
but that's about that..

and...
i need to time my Red Bull intake properly..
i think it takes 3hours for my system to want to pee after drinking it..
cuz Red Bull is like an anti-diuretic and all..
so..
yeah..
so...
i left at 4.40pm..
when the paper ends only at 5pm..

ah wells..
the parents aren't around this weekend..
so...i'm the head of the household again!!
but i've got work to do..
so not really gonna boss anyone around..
oh yar..
and...
i'm too lazy to cook dinner..
so..
tonight's dinner is...
German sausages mit Eggs mit a glass of milk..
sounds so like breakfast...

aiya...
it's prolly breakfast time in germany mar..
:)

About tomorrow's paper..
My parents told me to just do my best..and..whatever the result is...so be it.
So basically...they're telling me that it's fine if i -choiiii- never do well..
they'll pay for me to go retake it again..

which is really really nice of them..
but...
that makes me want to pass at the 1st try...

and..
today's test was fine...

tomorrow's the big one man...
cuz i haven't gone for any theory papers since..
at least 5years back...
so..it's weird..
cuz the momentum's sorta stopped..

and....please don't wish me good luck or anything...because...
i don't need luck...
I just need Him to be with me..
even if i flunk...i'll flunk it happily..
so...
just pray for me..
and that He'll be with me...

rights..so..it's still back to work now...
and i'm really mentally exhausted..

The line between reality and imaginary has been blurred.

I stared at a new block of chocolate in the fridge..and wondered who ate the last block..
was it me?

I ended up not having an answer..
cuz..
i think i dreamt that i ate an entire bar of chocolate..
yet..i wasn't sure if it was a dream..
because i was home the entire day yesterday.

So it might be me afterall..
but why do i not believe it?

/5 mins later/
Oh..
the culprit wasn't me..
i distinctly remembered 'eating' the block of chocolate in a purple packaging..
which isn't helping much..because the milka bar in the fridge is auch purple.
but!
i remembered 'eating' one that says Dairy Milk.
so..
i must have dreamt of Cadbury's.

Furthermore, the Milka bar that's missing is Johurt flavour = Yoghurt flavour.
which i dislike..
so..
nah...
it's not me.

I'm such a silly cow.
Was telling twin last night that..
I don't know what i want!!
-starts whining-
And she was telling me that..
You want Jesus!

anyway..that's not really explaining how i'm such a silly cow..
as i was taking the bus back from a horrible piano class just now..
i was just thinking of what exactly do i want.
now.
at this moment.

and i do have a lot of stuff piled up now.
a test tmr.
an exam on sat
and 2 lab reports to hand up on monday.

the lab reports are the least of my worries now..
it's just the test and the exam..
and..
i dunno..
i just get all flustered and everything..
and although i do read my notes..and i do take notes and everything..
i just feel that i've not done enough..
and based on my test results this sem..
i'm floundering..
and i don't like that feeling.

and i know what i want now.
i want PEACE.
i really want peace..
i want His peace in me.

In the past..
i usually enter a test or exam in a peaceful state of mind..
albeit the minor fact that i didn't prepare for the test..
but i was still at peace..
at peace with myself..at peace with the world..at peace with Him..
i'm at peace even tho i know that i'm doomed.

and..
somehow, this year.
the background static has become much louder.
much noiser.
much more disruptive.
I'm not peaceful anymore..
so..
I WANT PEACE.
not just peace literally..
but peace of my mind..
i want to unclutter my mind..
my heart..
my brain..

i want to do a reformat.
i need to focus on one thing at a time..
and not a gazillion things at the same time..
for God knows that i do not have the ability to multitask and juggle 3 top priority events at the same time.

and..
that's why i'm a silly cow.
Because someone told me way way way the previous week that..
Start on one, and your mountain pile of laundry will be finished batch by batch eventually

and on tuesday, Jem reminded me that i should always draw my strength from the Lord.

and on wednesday, Twin reminded me that i need Him.

and i only realised all these today..
ain't i a silly cow?

If any of the following statements apply to you, highlight/bold/italize it. then, post.

i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me. (then they aren't friends...are they? either that or it's a 2 way thing..i use them..they use me..)
i am an only child.
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.
i’m obsessed with the computer internet.
i have shot a gun before.
i can’t live without music.
i have no tolerance of ignorant people. (minimal tolerance..but i still tolerate them..because i'm nice)
i have ridden on a motorcycle before. (scooter. yes. bike.No. Never.)
i’ll be in this town forever.
i’ve been to 5 other countries.
i get annoyed easily.
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting. (most of the time)
i have more than a few horrible memories.
i am addicted to chocolate. (nyeh..just horribly in love with it..but i know when to quit)
i am an atheist.
i love airplane rides.
i love taking pictures. (taking it..not being in it)
i hate people who are fake. (strong dislike..not hate)
i can be mean when i want to.
my parents cares about my grades. (obviously..but they care about other matters too)
one of my best friends is a girl.
i have way too many wallets. (negative. Twin still owes me a shopping trip for a wallet)
i’m obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily. (depends on situation..but i'm mostly emotional)
i hate when people are late.
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
i love to sleep.
i wish i were smarter.
i’m afraid of flying.
i hate drama.
i bite my nails.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents. (verbal quarrels..not physical fights)
i love the beach.
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas.
i can’t control my emotions.
i have a best friend.
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends.
i have (had) braces.
i have never broken a bone.
i hate my computer.
i love girls/boys who play the drums/guitar.
i state the obvious.
i’m a happy person. (still situation depending..but mostly..yeah..)
i love to dance. (when i'm ALONE)
i love to sing. (when i'm ALONE)
i love cleaning my room.
i tend to get jealous very easily.
i love cute underwear.
i love night better than day.
i don’t like to study for tests.
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
i am too forgiving. (i'm forgiving..just too stubborn to admit that i've forgiven them)
i have horrible sense of direction.
i miss elementary school.
i’m a daddy’s boy/girl.
i love the color pink.
i love to sew.
my eye color changes.
i should see a therapist.
i played on a girls sports team
i become stressed easily.
i hate/detest liars.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the guitar.
i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook.
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid.
i love to read.
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone.
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i think i’m a looker.
i type with one hand. (can do it when the other hand's dirty/busy)
i live in a one storey house.
i wear make-up. (minimal)
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can’t swim.
i have bad memories.
i go to church.
i sing in the shower.
i hate cheerleaders.
i usually get what i want.
i have been on stage before.
i love roller coasters.
no one knows the full story of my life. (everyone just knows part of it)
i am close to my parents.
i don’t have a curfew

When i have a craving..
I'll usually stuff myself with the food.
until i get sick of it.

I bought a pack of thingy lar..
and the thing is..
i just downed all the contents..
and i'm feeling a lil' wheezy..

I'm usually not asthmatic..
unless i overeat food that i'm allergic too..
but the thing is..
i have no idea what foods i've got allergy reaction to..
but i've basically narrowed it down to the usual preserved foodstuff..
the dried ones i'm fine..
i can eat sour plums until my face turns sour.
but..
i can't eat dried apples, preserved mangoes, and the attap seed thingy.
nyeh.
i'll just feel wheezy for a bit.

hai.
sad.
viva was interesting.
i was like a walking question mark.
nyeh
4% only.
-relax-

Mirror says that I know the answer already..just that i refuse to acknowledge the answer..and i'm like..NOOooo....I DON'T KNOW.
-bleargh-

Must remember Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

i must i must.

The guy on the left!
That's my bestie in jc!
He's nice.
He's smart.
And he's yuan-er
but he's poor.
We're both poor.
I'm as poor as a church mouse..
and he's as poor as a church mouse in ethopia..
and he's a smart mouse..
so people eat him up because he can dig many many holes to hide from them.
yup.
that's my jc bestie..the ethopian church mouse.
He reminds me of Jaq..the skinny mouse in Cinderella.

lalalala...

i like talking to bestie.
we talk about chim stuff to silly stuff..
and it's fun.
and my english seems to be very simple now.
so it's a sign of lack of sleep
even tho i slept for 11hours.
but i should sleep now.
viva tomorrow.
oh dear.
nights.

I want to be torn down by You.
I want to be stripped to my core.
I want to know/see that my core is You.
Because..
I don't feel that way now.

I need You to take the centerstage in my life again.
In these 2 days..
I took over the spotlight.
And it's making me very uncomfortable now.

I Don't want to be in the limelight.
It's MY life.
and I want YOU to take centerstage.
I don't care!
-pouts-

Please tear me down.
I don't want to carry all my burdens by myself no more.
I don't want to draw energy from my strength alone..
cuz I know that's not enough to sustain me.

Please take the wheel now.
I don't wanna drive no more.

nyeh.
that's not some fancy schmancy name for some play or musical production.
that's my lab viva!
It's basically a verbal quiz..
done either 1 on 1 or 2 on 1..
the 1 is the student la..
So it's either 2 profs, or 1 prof, or 1 prof + 1 TA.
Goodness gracious me.

And the 2 experiments that the prof wants to viva tomorrow.
I HAVE DONE.
AND SUBMITTED.
Basically..
those are the first 2 lab experiments i've done.
oh dear..
everything seems to be falling apart now.

Prof said that 'Friday's test is going to be 40%'
darn.
and there isn't gonna be a 2nd test.
the weightage is soo super duper high.
and..
i really cannot buang this test.
If i buang this module..
i'm doomed
cuz this is the module i understand the best.
O__O
oh dear.

plus the theory paper on saturday.

I want time to stand still.
For at least a while.

The good thing was that..
I had 11hrs of sleep already.

I wagged school today.
I slept since 930pm till 830am today.
The lectures started at 8am.
I'll head down for the next one at 2pm.

I'm really tired.
with everything.
and yet..
it feels like I haven't done anything.

Last night was really bad.
I didn't feel like doing anything.
So..i did nothing.
Didn't touch my piano books..
Didn't touch my polymer notes.
Didn't touch my lab report.

Spent the morning doing QT.
'I can only imagine' playing non-stop ever since 9..
Read Proverbs 16.
Fiddled about at the piano for a bit.
Teach me to dance.
Read daily devotionals at Harvest.

Back at re-reading my theory notes for saturday's exam.
I'm gonna do my lab report now.

I need to learn from the ant.

After reading Mingdao's latest entry..

When I think about the things I've done that God wouldn't like, I feel...

I don't know why he still loves me.

I've been pondering about this question for ages.
and i've never seem to be able to have an answer for it.
or at least a reasonable answer to such a simple question.
that's probably going to be the first question i'll ask Him when i meet Him.

Nothing you can do, will make Him love you more.

And that's the most amazing thing.
There's nothing you can do to increase His love for you.
but..
tho He won't love you any less..
Jesus will be sad if you do naughty stuff.
but His love remains.

is generally the exterior of a building — especially the front, but also sometimes the sides and rear. The word comes from the French language, literally meaning "frontage" or "face".

No idea why i'm saying this.
Maybe saying it out loud will make it more real.
but.
underneath it all..
at the core.
I've got a low self esteem.
I'm relatively critical about myself.

Tear Me down Lord.
Tear Me down.
and build You up there instead.
Tear Me down.

I don't want to feel this way.

Do you make me smile.
so confusing.
I should stop reading too much into things.

Do you irritated me.
and then make me smile.
and disappear?

Am i thinking so much?

So many questions.
So little answers.


note to self: ignore rubbish advice from cal and jia.
: the spoilt brat : i love babies.. chubby chubby babies.. says:
and i like [his] house

tell me if that isn't rubbish advice.
just because she wants to watch tv.
-blargh-

Go do this for me..
pretty please?

that's my title so far.

anyway..
had too many people asking me for the meaning of my msn nick ' Einmal ist Keinmal'
literally, it means 'once is not once'
it's taken from the book 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' by Milan Kundera.

i took this out of a forum
Basically, Kundera is arguing that we have no way of proving which methods are superior to others. We live but once, and because all situations are unique, we cannot "try different approaches" to an issue, so to speak, since no two events are the same.Thus, because we cannot "test" out attitudes or actions, it is as though they had never happened to begin with. It has no value.
No two situations are the same. X may cause harm to Y at a time T. But that would not be the same as X causing harm to Y at a time N. Time is very much a central matter, as far as I can see, in that theory. Time also equates to events occuring. Events affect people (their sentiments, knowledge, attitudes, etc...). So, if they are basing their response to an event on previous actions to an identical event (which occured sometime earlier), the two are still not identical.

And that's where Einmal ist Keinmal came about.

Remember how i was traumatized last night when i found out that my 1st beloved childhood playmate writes like ThIs?
Thank God for small mercies..
He types normally on msn..
we made first contact this afternoon..
was interesting..
considering the fact that i have never spoken to him ever since young..
for the simple fact that during the last time which was a gazillion lightyears back..
the last time i went to visit them..he wasn't home..
-shrugs-

anyway..
he's reads people quite well..
you sound like a right-brained person..aka left handed
perfectionistic, and yet abit on the fickle side

I'm impressed.
nyeh..not really with the right-brained part..
because i really strongly feel that tho both sides of my brain work almost equally well..
i tend to favour the right side..
however...the left side in me tells me that it's the left side of the brain that helps you earn your dough..
almost everyone sees the fickle side..
esp. if you have background knowledge of my very short span of crushes..
heh.
they never seem to be able to last long..
-shrugs-
it's the perfectionist part of the statement which i'm impressed with..
because..
most people don't see that part in me..
some only see the slacker side of me..
it's only when i know i won't get the results that i want...or when i am really bored out and everything..that i become totally heck..
because..there's no point if i can't reach my own personal expectations..
i need to reach my personal target..personal best..
if not...
i'll give up...without a fight.
i'm a perfectionist in that sense i reckon..
like how i have a need to tie up all my loose ends..
i hate to leave things dangling..
really.

anyway...everything's coming back to a full circle.
so far..
all my 3 childhood besties have been located..
:)

1) the one with the babysitter.. Alex
2) the one at the kindergarden..YT..which cal knows too.
3) the one in the school bus in primary school..Smelly Cat!

So far...i'm the closest to Smelly Cat...and then Alex...followed by YT..
in fact..
i don't even contact YT now..
perhaps it's because he was the first part of the missing links that i located..
that one was found in sec 1..no kick lar..
heh
:)
then i located Smelly Cat 3 years ago..
and Alex now lar..
so..
it's gonna get interesting...
i'm gonna have to start reading him too.
i'm not going to be there just for people to read..
:)

there's no unconditional anything.
everything's conditional.
for example..
i would be willing to take time off from whatever i'm doing at the moment..if my close friends have a problem..or if they need a listening ear..
for that..take as much time as you need..
i'll be here..
but..
if..i've got a truckload of homework and projects and everything...and a friend wants to meet to bum around..or just shop and stuff..
well..i don't have the time..
so..
the phrase...i'll be there for you unconditionally doesn't stand.

there's nothing in this world that's unconditional..
except Jesus..
He's there 24-7..
and that's why i love Him..
He'll always have time to spend with you..
in fact..He looks forward to spending time with you!
so..
i love you Jesus!

1) you find out that your childhood playmate has evolved into a beng-ish potato.
i'm traumatized more with the beng-ish part than the potato aspect..
because..
i'm a potato too!!
amazing how i can have a babysitter that goes for mandarin services..and how he has a mum that goes for mandarin services!

2) someone tells you...
i only rember you calling ' moses' most coyly....for a small little girl, you sure knew how to flirt!! haha!
Moses is the eldest kid in the family lar! and i don't FLIRT! and...moses is currently married with 2 kids!! so cute! :))) but the key thing! i don't remember flirting...then and now...
-bleargh-

3) you find out that your childhood playmate AND his girlfriend, both are 25, types like tHiS..bLaHbLaHbLaH...
gosh.
so traumatic.
maybe i'm being too critical..since everyone has their own special quirks..but this one irks me!
sigh..

wahaha...all in all...it was fun!
and i went to career fairs today!
and...
i might not end up in the chemicals industry forever! :)

I think big machines rock!
stuff i did in the lab today..
really interesting..
firstly..
we made polystyrene during monday's class..
minor hiccups along the way..
but was fine..because we didn't add the sample that we distilled for 2hours into the system yet..
everything else we added were lab reagents..
so we dismantled everything and started over..
went back on tuesday to retrieve my products..
and centrifuge it..
and left it in the oven to evaporate all the water and solvent present..
went to fiddle with the particle sizer machine and SEM today!
and it was way cool..
ok..
the particle sizer..
not too cool
apparently...the polystyrene that we synthesized measured 40microns..
which is HUGE.
as compared to the 2microns that we were supposed to be getting..
and because we didn't get the 'correct' results..
we had to do..and redo and redo and redo..
until even the TA did it by himself...not trusting us..
and he got the same results..
-shrugs-
the lousy thing is..
everytime we redo...
I need to wash the machine
so..
it was pouring deionised water in...
purging it out...
in and out..in and out..
in out in out
thrice each time..
mannn...
we wasted so much water...
was there from 1045 till 1245..before taking a lunch break..

came back and went to the SEM lab!!
that was COOOL..
i'll figure a way to get the pics uploaded..
:)
we used like an ultra ultra thin coating of our sample..
and then we left it in this machine..
which coats it with platinum at 2nm..
which is SUPER small..
to make the surface smooth..
and then...there was argon gas emitted...and it's PURPLE.
:)
and..we popped that tablet like thing into the SEM..
and there's an electron ray gun...
like...usually...we just hear of such stuff...
we don't exactly see it or use it..
yups!

and i need to do ah pek's tutorial now..
ladeeda..
i'm still very hyped up over sunday!
ladeeda!